


A Fading Reminder of Who I Used to Be

by lionessvalenti



Category: White Collar
Genre: Beaches, Community: love_bingo, F/M, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-11
Updated: 2012-03-11
Packaged: 2017-11-01 19:09:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/360248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionessvalenti/pseuds/lionessvalenti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal's been on the run for five years. He never expected anyone to find him. Sara didn't expect to find him, either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fading Reminder of Who I Used to Be

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from "Something I Can Never Have" by Nine Inch Nails. With a swear redacted. Thank you to Lefaym for the beta read!

While the tourists around him ordered Mai Tais and fruity frozen daiquiris from the beach side bar, Victor Moreau slowly sipped at his glass of Shiraz as he gazed out into the ocean.

This was the third paradise Victor had taken up in over the last five years. He stood out against flowered shirts and bathing suits in his white undershirt and khakis with the cuffs rolled up over ankles. He dragged a bare foot over the sand. He hadn't even bothered to put shoes on; his villa was just on the other side of the beach.

A hand came to rest on his shoulder. "It is you."

Victor swiveled around on his stool and he stared. "Oh, I -- Sara -- what are you -- how did you -- it's--" He took a deep breath and tried to put his thoughts in order. Sara Ellis had come out of nowhere and was standing on his beach. 

Finally, he did what he did best: he flashed her his most charming grin. "You look amazing."

And she truly did, not that Sara ever looked anything less than beautiful. However, he'd never seen her in a green and gold bikini with only a gauzy green sarong wrapped around her waist. Her hair was shorter than he remembered it, but it was the same auburn color, and her skin was still so pale it practically glowed in the sunlight.

"That's all you have to say?" she said with a grin. She grabbed his arm, pulling him up from the stool, and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "I missed you so much," she whispered in his ear. "Neal."

The name sent a shiver down his spine. He hadn't been Neal in a long time. He barely remembered who Neal was, but with Sara's arms around him, the memories came back in a rush. _Neal_ came back.

"I missed you too," he replied, his voice thick with emotion. He held her close, feeling her warm skin under his hands, and breathing in her coconut-scented sunblock. He stepped back and held her at arm's length. "What are you doing here? You didn't--"

"Come to find you?" Sara laughed and shook her head. "No. I... I gave up that a long time ago. Of course, that's how it works, isn't it? You give up on something and then you stumble onto it." She reached up and cupped his face in her hands. "It's just so good to see you. No one knew if you or Mozzie were all right."

"Moz is around here somewhere," said Victor -- no, Neal. He could feel the slippery skin of Neal Caffrey fitting over him like a glove.

"So the band never really broke up," Sara replied with a smile.

"Not that band," Neal replied. He and Mozzie had moved on together, but seeing Sara brought back all the memories of his life as Neal Caffrey. Kate (though, it was hard to forget Kate with her name following him around) and prison. Peter and Elizabeth. The FBI and the Harvard crew. All of those things that had been so important to him a lifetime ago.

She pulled her hands away from his unshaven face and smiled. "I like your little beard," she said.

He shook his head and laughed. "Thank you. Now, what _are_ you doing here, Sara?"

She grinned and held up her left hand, showing off a diamond ring snug against a thin, gold band. "It's my honeymoon."

Neal grabbed her hand and checked out the ring. "It's beautiful."

"Thank you." Sara narrowed her eyes. "I've got my eye on you, sticky fingers."

Neal chuckled as he twisted at the waist to pick up his wine glass. "So, why is it that you're on your honeymoon and you come up to an ex-boyfriend without a husband in sight?"

"Because he's more of a daredevil than I am and is learning how to surf," Sara replied. "I came over here for a drink and that's when I spotted you. I couldn't believe my eyes. For a second I thought I'd just been in the sun too long."

"You're afraid of surfing?" Neal asked with a smile. "Gun in your face and you're cold as ice. A few waves--"

She laughed. "I'm not afraid! I'm simply thinking beyond myself." She turned to the side and placed a hand on her stomach. "Fifteen weeks."

"Oh -- that's..." Neal tilted his head and now that he was looking for it, he could see the bulge. "That's amazing. Congratulations. You've got everything now, don't you? A great job, a baby. I guess that explains the marriage."

Sara laughed and socked him in the arm. "No, it does not. We were engaged for ten months. The pregnancy was just a happy surprise. Except when I had to get my wedding dress tailored again to make room for the baby, but we all make sacrifices."

"Yes, we do," Neal agreed. "So you were coming to the bar to get--"

"An orange juice."

"Well, let me buy it for you." He turned around and motioned to the bartender. "Can I can an orange juice for the lady?"

"No, problem, Victor," she replied.

Sara raised her eyebrows. "Victor. Fancy."

"You like fancy, if I remember correctly." He picked up the glass from the bar and handed it to her. "And I can't believe you didn't remember the name. You had that passport in your hands. I looked over my shoulder for ages because I knew that."

Sara took a sip of the orange juice and smiled. "That's right. I talked to Peter for hours, trying to remember the name on that passport. I'd only looked it for a moment. How'd you ever keep away from him for so long?"

"Self control," Neal replied without a beat. "It's hard not to pick up the phone."

Her smile faded. "Neal, I'm -- I'm sorry, that's not what I meant."

He grinned brilliantly, but even though he knew it wasn't real, it _felt_ fake. "I know. Let's talk about you again."

Sara sat down on a stool and after setting her glass on the bar, she held her hand to her stomach. She looked up at him, shaking her head. "What happened, Neal? What changed? I thought you were happy."

He leaned back against his own stool. "Why I left isn't important, not anymore. It's too late for all of that. It's not like I can go back now."

"I'm sorry," Sara said. She reached over and took Neal's hand, giving it a quick squeeze. "Do you... want me to tell someone about this? Or not? I'm getting mixed signals."

Neal smiled. "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't say anything. After this, we'll have to move on, but it'd be one less stop on the trail."

"I understand," she replied. "I won't say a word. And you know I can keep your secrets."

"Yeah, I do." He reached up and touched her hair. He knew she was married, probably hadn't even been married for a week, but she was still so beautiful. Who knows what could have happened if he'd stayed in New York. It could have been them on the beautiful honeymoon with a baby on the way. Is that what he really wanted? To be able to settle down without looking over his shoulder? A family?

Of course it was. It was what he'd always wanted. A life. A real life.

"Neal," Sara said softly.

He pulled his hand away. "Sometimes I wish I could go back. I don't know if the alternative would be better or worse. But Peter was the one to give me the signal to leave, so it must have been worse." He smiled. "Do you still see him?"

"Sometimes," she replied. "You know, for work."

"How is he?"

"He seems well. New pictures of him and Elizabeth up in his office. I know he misses you. He doesn't say it, we kind of make a point to skate around the topic these days. I think I remind him of you."

Neal looked down at his feet, digging his toes into the warm sand. "I miss him, too."

Sara looked like she was going to say something, but her gaze went past Neal. She raised her hand and waved. "Over here, honey," she called.

Neal turned around, and there was a man in red swimming trunks coming toward them. He was tall and broad-shouldered, with dark hair. He was currently wet from head to toe, with a towel slung over his shoulders.

"Does he do Tai Chi too?" Neal asked in a low voice. "You know how that turned out last time."

"Shut up. Michael's great," Sara replied with a laugh. She smiled up at Michael as he approached them. "How was surfing?"

"There was more falling than surfing if I'm being totally honest," he replied. "Who's your friend?"

She wrapped her arm around his waist. "Michael, this--"

"Victor," Neal said, stretching out his hand.

Michael shook it and smiled. "Nice to meet you."

Sara smiled. "Victor and I dated years ago. He was the last person I thought I'd see here."

"Oh, good, I'm glad we were able to run into one of your old boyfriends on our honeymoon," Michael replied with a grin. Neal read him for any hostility in his voice or body language, but clearly, this man adored Sara and he was confident in that relationship.

"I'm actually glad I ran into Victor today." Sara smiled at Neal. "We never really had a chance for closure."

Michael held up a hand in surrender. "If that's what you need, honey." He turned his gaze to Neal. "We were going out to dinner. Would you like to join us?"

"Oh, yeah, please, N--Victor, come," Sara said.

Neal shook his head. "I can't. I actually need to to start packing. I'm leaving tomorrow."

Sara stared across at him, smiling sadly. "Well, it was nice seeing you. It was good to know you're alive. I'd started to wonder."

"Alive and well," Neal replied. "I'm so happy things are going well for you, Repo."

She laughed and slipped off the stool. "Thanks for the orange juice. Say hi to Mozzie for me."

"I will." He smiled, his heart racing, watching Sara walk away, and Neal Caffrey walked away with her. Neal, who could have married her if the stars had aligned in their favor. He wanted that, and not this life on the run.

He picked up his wine glass and took a sip, letting his shoulders relax. He could already feel Victor coming back as quickly as he'd slipped away.

He looked up, and Sara was almost gone. He could see her, and realized -- he wasn't quite ready to let Neal go this time. He set the glass aside and jogged along the beach. "Sara!"

Sara and Michael stopped, and she turned. "Yeah?"

Neal kept jogging until he'd caught up with them. He paused to catch his breath. "If you see Peter, tell him... I don't know." There was too much to say, and he couldn't even let her use his name or say where he was, even if he and Moz were moving on. A part of him hated Sara right then because she would be able to talk to Peter face-to-face, and he loved her because of everything they didn't get to have.

"At a loss for words, that's new," Sara said. She reached forward and took Neal's hand. "I'll pass on any message you want."

He heaved a sigh. "Tell him... tell him thank you. That I love him. That he's a better friend then I ever deserved."

Sara smiled. "I can do that. He's going to hate it that I saw you and he didn't."

"What I wouldn't give to see Peter Burke's jealous face." Neal laughed. "If I wouldn't end up in prison, I'd love to be there to see it."

"Maybe someday, you'll get the chance." Sara appeared a little misty-eyed as she said, "Goodbye."

He smiled because it was better than crying. His last link to New York, to Peter, was about to walk out of his life for good. "Goodbye, Sara."

Neal Caffrey turned away from her, and Victor Moreau walked along the beach, back to the villa. It was time to go.


End file.
